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Author Topic: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....  (Read 14669 times)

Stiffy

About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« on: December 26, 2008, 06:31:47 pm »
This topic is related raised by "Without_You"....

May friend ako (girl) and her husband dumating na (seaman din). Nagtapat si lalaki, over-chat pa habang nasa barko pa si lalaki, na wala na s'yang feelings sa friend ko. Btw, they have 2 kids nga pala. Tinanong sya ng friend ko kung bakit ganun ang sinabi nya at anong reason kung bakit. Di sumagot si lalaki, basta lang daw ganun ang naramdaman nya.

Dumating na si lalaki came from US at sinundo ng friend ko. As usual pa rin ang pagsasama nila and they still do in normal relationship of husband and wife. So they have sex, magkatabi sa pagtulog, sabay kumain, etc. etc. etc... As in dumating ang time na nagtanong ulit ang friend ko kung ganon pa rin daw ba ang feelings ng hubby nya sa kanya, and the answer is "YES"...

Sa gabi gising ang husband nya, sa araw tulog. Yun pala, ka-chat ang kalaguyo nung husband nya (di pa sya sure kung foreigner yun na kasama din sa barko). May mga nakita s'yang pictures sa laptop ng hubby nya (way back) together with this foreign girl. Sabi ng hubby nya, kasama lang daw nya sa work dun sa barko. Ako rin nakita ko rin yung mga pictures, kasi pinakita nya sa akin personally yung mga pictures. Naka-embrace yung girl na todo-todo sa hubby nya in most of the pictures (friend ba yun?) and sobra ang sweet sa mga pictures nila.

Eto na, talagang ayaw na ng hubby nya and the guy told her to move on. Everyday na lang sya umiiyak, she thought na di magbabago sa kanya ang husband nya. Ginagawa naman nya ang tama bilang asawa nya at di rin sya nagloko ever since kahit wala ang asawa nya. Malungkot ang pasko nya dahil feeling nya di buo ang family nila. Di pa rin nya pinapaalam sa parents nya at sa mga anak nya. Ngayon, gusto na ng hubby nya na magbukod na sila ng mga anak nya and forget him at bibigyan na lang daw ng sustento.

Masakit di ba mga ka-espiya? Ganun-ganun na lang ba, pag wala ng naramdaman eh hiwalay na agad? Kung ano ang pinagbuklod ng Diyos at pinagsumpuan sa harap ng altar ay dapat bang kalimutan in just wink of an eye?

Ano ba ang pwede n'yong mai-advise sa friend ko at hirap na rin ang puso nya? Iniisip na lang nya na normal ang buhay nya (everyday) kahit deep inside malungkot ang nararamdaman nya. I told her to pray for it, GOD might give her miracle and everything might turn around. Di na rin nya alam ang gagawin nya lalo na pag sumakay na ng barko ang asawa nya in less than 2 months from now. Sa ngayon feeling martir sya, and she's doing everything just to work fine. Ako kasi naubusan na rin ng advise like; pray for it, lakasan nya ang loob nya, think happy moments with her kids and spend more time with them, window-shopping, go to mass every sunday, think of her job... Sabi ko nga baka pwedeng idemanda ang husband nyo, pero ano ba ang magiging consequenses nun?

Mga ka-espiya, ano ba ang maganda at tamang gawin ng friend ko?

Stiffy

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #1 on: December 26, 2008, 06:42:34 pm »
Mga ka-espiya, correction po. Di po related, same nature of work lang po.

leightot

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #2 on: December 26, 2008, 06:56:09 pm »
What she can do is dump him, make his life miserable by making him pay the highest amount of child support. If he can't meet his obligations with respect to child support call an attorney and let the law put him in jail for her. Another thing she can do is find one of his good looking friend invite him over right before her husband gets home and act like she's engaged in having sex with his friend by putting her face on his lap as soon as he walks in. Sorry I'm not trying to be disgusting, I'm just trying to give your friend some ammunition so she can fight back. I can feel her pain.
« Last Edit: December 26, 2008, 07:05:40 pm by leightot »

Stiffy

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #3 on: December 26, 2008, 07:03:56 pm »
Thanks Leightot.

I told her already to get a lawyer. Her husband wants to file an annulment and I told her let her husband to pay for everything, including the rent of her house to be, the new appliances and the support for the two kids including the education. So far, my friend would like it to be in legal.

I'm praying too that everything would turn around, because she love her husband so much.

leightot

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #4 on: December 26, 2008, 07:12:27 pm »
Yup just don't leave her, just keep on giving her advices mas kailngan ka nya. Sad to say but it happens sometimes in life, people do fall out of love with each other but use excuses to cover the problems within themselves and their way of thinking. Unfortunately, the decision as to what to do is down to her, at some point, one or both of them will make the decision to move on.

Stiffy

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #5 on: December 26, 2008, 07:32:49 pm »
Well, that will be my last advice to her, just in case. I will tell her to move on even though we both know how hard to accept it. I even told her to fight for her rights.

It's odd, I also feel what she feels... :D Perhaps, i'm just concerned to my friend.

waldner

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #6 on: December 26, 2008, 08:10:16 pm »
Legally speaking, your friend cannot file a criminal case of concubinage against her husband for the simple reason that none of the three instances of concubinage are present in the facts you mentioned.

Either the husband or your friend cannot just file an annulment case on the ground that they both or shall I say, he fall out of love towards his wife. Its not one of the grounds under the Family Code.

The only legal solution I could find which is more practical is for her to file a legal separation case and/or support against her husband. She needs to have concrete evidences regarding her husband's infidelity (pictures, chat log files, etc.) for her case to prosper. However, she needs to abstain from having sex with her husband as such act is one of the grounds against legal separation.

Quote
Another thing she can do is find one of his good looking friend invite him over right before her husband gets home and act like she's engaged in having sex with his friend by putting her face on his lap as soon as he walks in.

This kind of retaliation is not really advisable legally speaking.


I am the captain of my ship; I am the master of my soul.

Kabute

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #7 on: December 26, 2008, 08:19:04 pm »
Legally speaking, your friend cannot file a criminal case of concubinage against her husband for the simple reason that none of the three instances of concubinage are present in the facts you mentioned.

Either the husband or your friend cannot just file an annulment case on the ground that they both or shall I say, he fall out of love towards his wife. Its not one of the grounds under the Family Code.

The only legal solution I could find which is more practical is for her to file a legal separation case and/or support against her husband. She needs to have concrete evidences regarding her husband's infidelity (pictures, chat log files, etc.) for her case to prosper. However, she needs to abstain from having sex with her husband as such act is one of the grounds against legal separation.

This kind of retaliation is not really advisable legally speaking.

naks..may abugado tayo sa K.K.K.E.  im so proud! finger4u


wereturtle

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #8 on: December 26, 2008, 08:24:14 pm »
naks..may abugado tayo sa K.K.K.E.  im so proud! finger4u

nose bleed ako dun ah. hehhehe!

pero tama ung part na wag na lang gumanti, basta itodo nya nalng yung support para sa kids..

kelangan lang mag move on nung friend mo.. face it, life is unfair.

waldner

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #9 on: December 26, 2008, 08:32:01 pm »
I'm not a lawyer.  :P ;D


I am the captain of my ship; I am the master of my soul.

Kabute

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #10 on: December 26, 2008, 09:16:15 pm »
I'm not a lawyer.  :P ;D

so should i say, soon?  :P


hush24

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #11 on: December 27, 2008, 12:54:58 am »
common yun sa mga nasa abroad na lalake, usually pag mahina yun slf control or emotions, madami dami din ako kaibigan na ganyan ang sitwasyon, and ang mapapayo ko lang, siguro iniisip ng girl (friend mo) is 1. yun feelings nya dun sa lalake 2. yun family nila (extended) and 3. yun mga anak nila, pero ang mapapayo mo sa kanya is leave everything behind kase kung baga, sa bahay, wala na yun foundation eh, kahit umiiyak pa sya araw araw or do things na magpapabalik sa asawa nya kung asawa na nya ang may ayaw at kung confirm nga na may iba na yun lalake eh wala na sya magagawa, let her mind be stronger than her emotions, maging malakas sya for the kids, kase sya nalang yun dapat maging role model sa anak nya. ilagay nalang nya yun full support and attention sa anak nya, take it slowly and makakamit nya yun freedom. ::moreinfo

edjaydaya

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #12 on: December 27, 2008, 02:23:43 am »
mga friends........let us not put aside the emotion and the effort that both parties put up before this situation happened.

do not forget the children's welfare, not only in terms of financial side but most importantly the emotional, psychological and the social aspects of their daily growth.

Go on with the separation (legal is a must) but always put the children's welfare in the forefront and there must be respect to each other with the children witnessing it, friendship and love as parents to both the children.

the big problem that will occur is that the father is and will not be always available to the children due to the nature of his job, if and when the wife can still perform the responsibility as father and mother of the kids then it would be very easy for the kids to grow maturely, the respect to both their parents still intact.

tobey_parker

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #13 on: December 27, 2008, 03:15:10 am »
naks..may abugado tayo sa K.K.K.E.  im so proud! finger4u

OT: kumpleto nga kayo eh...may diyos pa..!
Asan na nga pala un..?

ray

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #14 on: December 27, 2008, 03:24:03 am »
Hi Stiffy,

    Masakip man tanggapin, it's obviously na hindi na love ng lalake si babae, siguro tama na yung mga sacrifices ng babae to make her free again. Kung baga, bilanggo siya sa pag ibig. Pag ibig na alam natin na hindi na talaga mag tatagal. My advice for her is, hinay - hinay na siya sa pag accept na hindi na talaga sila. We know na yung babae is on DENIAL stage pa ngayon kasi hindi pa niya ma tanggap na hindi na siya mahal ng lalake. Just be there for her instead, for times like these, she needs JUICYFRUIT GUM..heheh.. joke lang po... Ikaw yung sinasandalan niya maliban sa mga anak niya. Kailangan nya na meron ma lalabasan sa kanyang emotions. That's what I see as of know, kasi fresh pa yung mga pangyayari. Just always comfort her. In no time, we know she can move on.

pspyrock

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #15 on: December 27, 2008, 06:34:29 am »
sana humiwalay na yung wife with their kids. yung wife kasi ang lugi sa situation na yan, may ibang babae na yung asawa nya tapos magkasama pa sila sa isang kama? kawawa naman yung wife. kung kasal sila, pwede pa nga sya sigurong maghabol ng legal, pwede nyang idemanda siguro ng concubinage or anything appropriate for her situation. pero kung ayaw nya ng gulo at issues, basta ang first step nya dapat ay to stay away from the husband, ilayo nya yung sarili nya at mga anak nila dun sa lalaki na yun. or make the husband leave the house, basta dapat hiwalay na sila physically muna. next is arrange for a financial support for their kids. at kung may legal na basehan talaga, sana make the husband pay for his infidelity lalo na kung kasal sila sa simbahan.
magpakasarap na yung lalaki na yun dito sa mundong ito dahil kapag hindi sya tumino, his @$$ belongs to lucifer.  >:(

Don

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #16 on: December 28, 2008, 01:16:11 pm »
I guess ganun talaga, tanggapin na lang niya ang lahat, nangyayari yan talaga maski ayaw natin. Bumawi na lang siya financially at gawin nilang legal ang lahat, like dapat lahat may kasulatan. Gawin ding legal ang separation para di siya sumabit kung ma inlove man siya uli.

Sana gawing legal ang DIVORCE sa Philippines, I wish........

Stiffy

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #17 on: December 28, 2008, 09:23:53 pm »
Espiya mates,

Thank you so much for all your inputs, very much appreciated.

By the way, my friend is marriend to his husband. I'm just thinking, pwede nya ba idemanda ang 'yung husband nya, kasi may mga nabasa s'yang exchange of emails (together with the allegedly husband's girl) from his husband yahoo account. Nabasa nya yung usapan, alam pala ng foreign girl na 'yun may asawa si lalaki at handang tanggapin kahit may anak na sila. Sa tagal ng husband nya sa ibang bansa, alam ng friend ko na sumiping na ang husband nya sa foreign girl na yun.

What is the best way para kasuhan si lalaki and pay for all the damages he has done to my friend?

ray

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #18 on: December 29, 2008, 02:56:51 am »
You need to consult legal experts for it sis... :) Goodluck po!

leightot

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #19 on: December 29, 2008, 03:18:15 am »
I have never heard of anyone being sued for telling the truth neither in cheating, and if she could.. then nearly all men would be broke ;D... she need to get a lawyer or some legal advice. goodluck to your friend

findeho

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #20 on: December 29, 2008, 04:47:42 am »
adbans hapi newyir to all.. 1st ang mapapayo ko sa prend mo wag mag giveup kahit pa ganun ang treat.. kasi im sure in d end babalik at babalik pa din un dahil iiwanan un ng kabit nya pagnagtagal.. at makikita nya na iiyak un sa harap nya at sasabihin sori.. :) tsaka nya kamo sabihin anu ka ngayon?? wakokoko

pspyrock

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #21 on: January 01, 2009, 11:17:54 pm »
better get some real legal advice on what can be done in this issue lalo na na kasal pala sila. alam ko may batas laban sa pagkakaroon ng kabit ng may asawa lalo na't may proof yung wife, not sure if its concubinage, basta alam ko merong katapat na parusa yan sa batas natin dahil kasal sila.
tama yung isang post dito, madami dapat naparusahan na sa pangangaliwa pero yung mga nasa receiving end kasi mas pinipiling manahimik. sabi nga ng iba, they choose to suffer in silence.

waldner

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #22 on: January 01, 2009, 11:47:49 pm »
@stiffy,

better read my first post. The answers are all there.

For the benefit of everybody, a spouse abroad cannot be criminally prosecuted (here in the Philippines) (for: concubinage; bigamy) even if s/he engaged in sexual intercourse with other women/men outside the Philippines. We adhere to the Territoriality theory, that criminal laws have force and effect only within the Philippine archipelago subject to certain exceptions like those found under Article 2 of the Revised Penal Code. So if you're outside the Philippines and married, you have the option to have sex with other women and need not worry  from any legal troubles. Even if such infidelity came to the knowledge of your legal spouse here in the Philippines. She cannot just prosecute you here criminally.

p.s. Don't rely on hearsays.


I am the captain of my ship; I am the master of my soul.

pspyrock

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #23 on: January 02, 2009, 07:08:27 am »
@ TS

tama si waldner, dont rely on hearsays, find a real lawyer. yung expert talaga sa ganitong issue. iba iba kasi ng pananaw dito sa forums pero ang dapat talagang marinig ng friend mo ay yung galing sa totoong lawyer na maaaring nakawahak na ng isyung katulad ng sa kaibigan mo.

ps
also, lets frown upon infidelity. kahit saang anggulo tingnan ang pangangaliwa, sa mata ng tao o sa mata ng Diyos, mali ito.

pspyrock

Re: About my Friend and her Husband.... Need advise.....
« Reply #24 on: January 02, 2009, 07:29:11 am »
i dont know if this is applicable to your friend but it seems similar... (ulitin ko hindi ako lawyer, kaya mas mabuti talagang humanap ang friend mo ng totoong lawyer)  ;)

http://famli.blogspot.com/2006/01/adultery-concubinage-and-psychological.html

CHELLSEY said...

    atty. my husband is at california right now, he has a lover and has a child on that woman.although, im here at phil, can i still compalin here at the us embassy here at the phil? can i charge him concubinage? and can i file also a case on her lover and her parents that keeping ther son doing?
    March 05, 2008 3:00 PM

Atty. Gerry T. Galacio said...

    1. As I explained in my article, it is much better to use psychological violence under RA 9262 than concubinage under the Revised Penal Code. This is because concubinage is very difficult to prove in court.

    2. Your husband’s actions of having a lover and a child constitute psychological violence under RA 9262. You have the options of filing (a) civil case for damages; (b) criminal case; and/or (c) Protection Order. Since he is presently abroad, you have to wait for him to come back here to the Philippines before filing an RA 9262 case against him. So that he would be able to leave the country while the case is going on, you can ask the court to issue a Hold Departure Order as part of a Protection Order.

    The case must be filed with the Philippine courts, not with the US embassy.


andun din ito sa website na yun...



Concubinage is difficult to prove in court; it is better to file a case of psychological violence under RA 9262

Republic Act 9262 or the "Anti-Violence Against Women and their Children Act of 2004” has now come to the rescue of women. Philandering husbands can now be charged criminally even for just ONE incident of marital infidelity under the “psychological violence” provision of RA 9262.

RA 9262 defines psychological violence as “acts or omissions causing or likely to cause mental or emotional suffering of the victim such as but not limited to intimidation, harassment, stalking, damage to property, public ridicule or humiliation, repeated verbal abuse and marital infidelity. It includes causing or allowing the victim to witness the physical, sexual or psychological abuse of a member of the family to which the victim belongs, or to witness pornography in any form or to witness abusive injury to pets or to unlawful or unwanted deprivation of the right to custody and/or visitation of common children.”

The penalty for "psychological violence" is a minimum of six years up to twelve years of imprisonment. The maximum penalty is imposed if the violence is committed by the intimate partner against the woman when she is pregnant or in the presence of the common children.